Trying to please everyone? Well, I’m here to be that friend who tells you to just, STOP IT.
You DO NOT have to please anyone other than yourself and your fiancé/e.
Worrying about pleasing everyone is SUCH a common wedding day (and wedding planning) stress, so here are my top tips for dealing with the inevitable ‘but Aunt Edna wants her to be there’ guilt.
First – perspective. To them, this is just one day; anyone not invited will find something else to do. But it is YOUR ONE DAY – the day that will provide you with a lifetime of memories – so don’t let those memories be sullied by the pang of regret that you didn’t get that band you really wanted because you spent the extra money on feeding five people you haven’t seen since.
Second – tone. If you are firm but polite from the off, people will know where to butt out. This doesn’t mean you can’t welcome people’s help or opinions, just so long as the final decision is yours. If you have a particularly tricky mother-in-law- to-be who’s just desperate to make her mark, why not offer her something to take full control of – something you don’t have time for/won’t even notice on the day/couldn’t give two hoots about, but that will give her a sense of purpose (and get her off your back)? Then, if ever she strays in to the catering or your bridesmaid’s hair, you can just say “how’s everything going with the [insert boring and time consuming wedding admin here]?” Lovely.
Third – sense check. Make sure you’re checking in with your partner regularly – if either of you are unsure of any part of the wedding plans then you need to take the time to discuss and decide whether it’s what you really want. If, after discussion, you realised the only reason you’re doing it is to please someone else, then draw a big fat cross through it and move on to what will make you happy instead. Your Day, your Rules!
Fourth (& final) – timing. Why is it that as soon you get engaged people come out of the woodwork & suddenly become interested in your life? I’ll tell you – they’re hoping to ‘earn’ an invite to what they know will be the wedding of the year! If you’re wondering whether or not to invite someone, come up with a time scale to help you – for example, if neither one of you have seen them in the last nine months – they’re out. Fit this one to you, of course – if you work abroad and you haven’t seen your own mum in six months then maaaaybe extend the cut off. Another good rule is if you haven’t both met them, they’re not invited. Having rules like this can help you out of any awkward conversations with old friends who assumed they’d be on the guest list!
If you’re feeling guilty – try this:
Envision yourselves looking back on your memories as your five year anniversary approaches. You get the photo album out, you play the DVD, you read through your guest book and you find faces of people you don’t recognise at the forefront of the pictures & the evening reception film – taking up valuable screen time that could have been you looking bloomin’ amazing in your dress, or your best mate dancing with your Nan.
You read the messages in the guest book and there’s page after page of ‘thanks for having us at your special day, all the best, Sue & Phil (your Mum’s aunty twice removed but married your third cousin)‘ and similarly dull sentiments followed by names you’re unsure of and brackets that make you go “ohhh, them!”
Let’s avoid this at all costs!
To give you some perspective (oh hi tip number one), here are the 3 most common ‘requests’ from people wanting to have a say in your day –
- Invite the whole family – including the ones you have never met.
- Change your colour scheme, because your best friend/sister has decided she’ll be having those colours at her wedding next year.
- Choose the dress your mum likes, not the one you love.
These are things that cause bride-to-bes stress ALL. THE. TIME. Just say no. There’s nothing else for it.
Remind your mum that if she wants to see her third cousin twice removed, she can always invite him round for dinner next week, rather than to your wedding. Remind your sister that in a years’ time she will probably have changed her mind – and if she hasn’t, people will forgotten all about your wedding by then anyway (they won’t, it’ll go down in history books, but lets not say that right now). And wear whatever the hell YOU want because, on the day, your mum (and everyone else) with think you’re the most beautiful bride there’s ever been, regardless.
If you’re looking for help styling your wedding, see what The Wedding Avenue can offer here. And I promise to double as an agony aunt when Aunt Edna kicks off cos you didn’t invite her second cousin (you’re also officially given permission to blame me for that one!).
Image credit & links:
Photography | Jenna Bechtholt Photography | India Earl | Weddings by Guru
Personalised guestbook | Withal
Bridal boutique | Blackburn Bridal Couture