Funny Marriage and Love Quotes to Use in Your Wedding Speech

Love is an extraordinary emotion that has the power to move mountains, inspire courage and evoke powerful feelings of joy. For centuries, authors and poets have sought to capture its essence in words. Marriage, in particular, is a milestone that marks the transition from single life to a shared journey with one’s partner. It is also a momentous occasion that can be celebrated with family and friends through speeches filled with humour and wit. This article offers readers a selection of funny marriage and love quotes for use in wedding speeches.

The solemnity of marriage vows can often be lightened by humorous stories that serve to bring laughter and joy to the occasion. Injecting a bit of wit into wedding speeches can help ease any tension or anxiety felt by either the couple or the audience members. As such, the selection of funny marriage and love quotes presented in this article will provide readers with plenty of material for creating memorable wedding speeches full of humour and love.

The quotes chosen are derived from renowned authors, philosophers, celebrities and everyday people who have been touched by love throughout their lives. These quotes will not only serve to entertain but may also provide inspiration for couples looking for ways to express their commitment towards one another on their special day.

Funny marriage quotes about husbands

“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”

Stephanie Ortiz

“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.”

– Phyllis Diller

“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.”

Jerry Seinfeld

“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!”

Bill Maher

“Love is when a man stops caring about his car for a couple days.”

Tim Allen

“It’s not uncommon for me to wake up cranky some mornings, and on other mornings I simply let him sleep”


wedding guests enjoy speech

Funny marriage quotes about wives

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will be happy. If you get a bad one, you will be a philosopher.”


“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.”

Kathy Mohnke

“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.”

Henry Youngman

“There is always a reason why a man brings flowers to his wife.”


“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”

Prince Philip

“I only see God through her, aside from the mysterious force that grabs a sock every time I do my laundry.”

St Elmo’s Fire

Funny classic marriage quotes

“A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.”

Michel de Montaigne

“Who won in life? Me. Because I got to marry you.”

Chip Gaines

“Married life is wonderful for me. It’s amazing to find someone you can annoy forever.”

Rita Rudner

“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”

Prince Philip

“I am a dedicated wife. And I should be dedicated because I’ve been married so many times.”

Elizabeth Taylor

“Spend a few minutes each day paying close attention to your partner. Regardless of how insignificant his troubles appear to you.”

Megan Mullally

Funny marriage quotes from Newlyweds

“True love is sharing popcorn.”

Charles Schultz

“The person who won in life was me. I got to marry you.”

Chip Gaines

“You’re a smart cookie, a chocolate cake of wisdom, a pancake of genius.”

Rey Woodman

“Good marriages are those where each partner believes they got the better deal.”


“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.”

Miles Davis

Funny marriage quotes offering advice

“Marriage is getting to have a sleepover with your best friend, every single night of the week.”

Christie Cook

“It might be possible for more marriages to survive if couples accepted that sometimes the better can come after the worse.”

Doug Larson

“When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.”

Helen Rowland

“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.”

Jackson Brown, Jr

“Because I have matured, I want to get married again to buy some kitchen stuff.”

Wendy Liebman

“Marriage is like a deck of cards. All you need in the beginning is two hearts and a diamond. After 10 years you need a club and spade.”

Carrie Underwood

john baker

About Author /

John is a published author, freelance writer, speech writer and wordsmith.

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